Q: I have all the money I want, my children are settled, now I have nothing to look forward to in life. How do I handle this?
This question reminds me of an interesting conversation that I had recently with a close friend of mine. For the past few months, he was TERRIBLY worried about his job. I know because he used to discuss with me. He was worried about whether he should change jobs, whether he should continue where he was, what the pros and cons were, how he would inform his boss if he gets a new job, how to finish the deadlines before that, whether his resume was made well enough, whether he had correctly chosen the list of places to apply to, how to prepare for the interviews, whether his parents would be happy with his decision..... the list was never ending, really!
Recently, he got a job offer that he is happy with. Now he has signed the new contract, has already informed his ex-boss, everyone is happy, including himself. Celebrations also done!
I was chatting with him after that. Here is the uneditted chat excerpt:
Yours Truly: so how are u feeling man? abt the new job? :)
Friend: am happy, one big prob solved, parents are of course happy.. but one thing i noticed is suddenly i dont have anything to worry abt.. so kinda feel.. empty.. amazed how much i used to worry abt the job..
Yours Truly: LOL.. are u missing your worries ;)?
Friend: thts wht... yesterday and today not much work.. so i actually got bored. no expecting calls or emails, no tension whts gonna happen next.. no worry of how to break news to boss. so now i cudnt help but think.. so wht am i gonna worry abt next? :)
This is a problem of how to handle "no worries". This leads us to a very relevant question "Why do we love our worries?"As Nithyananda says, our worries make us feel we are important. It defines our identity. We like to worry about our work, children, their studies, home etc. because these are the few parameters that define us. If I were to ask you "tell me more about yourself", what would you say? Perhaps "I am Mr. XYZ, son of ABC and PQR, working in MNC, living in the USA, I love my BMW..."
Imagine you remove these parameters from your life, we feel as though the ground on which we have been standing is removed. We feel we are nobody. We have clutched so tight onto our so-called identity that we feel baseless when we do not think about these things. To put it simply, our ego is boosted when we worry!
When people reach their 50's, when their children are married and well settled, they feel a sense of emptiness. They have all along worried about getting their children educated and married, suddenly when it's all done, they feel a void. Some fill this void by next worrying about grandchildren and their education etc.. till they leave this body one day. Some of them take this opportunity to ask "Surely, my identity cannot be these external things, I am deep down something else, let me explore".
Worry clouds us and gives us an illusion of a false identity, which we hold onto very tightly. To see beyond, to experience the vibrant silence, our true nature is what meditation or any spiritual contemplation helps us towards. It is all about experiencing that beautiful space inside. Only the brave ones explore, the others give excuses and postpone. If you are ready for the jump, why not take the leap and see for yourself? Trust me, you will not regret it!
7 comments:
You are talking about being worried when there are no real worries. But what about cases when there is something concrete that worries us? In my personal experience, I am very worried about my parents' health as they are getting old. And also about my children's education. The elder son is about to give his public exam and surely it's a big thing that worries me.
- Chandrakala
Thanks Chadrakala for bringing this up. This one is easy if you just put in a bit of effort in understanding what a worry is. The very understanding contains the solution. Take for example, your son's exams. The same situation does not induce worry in everybody. Likewise, somebody might be worried about something else, which you are not even bothered about. So, is it really about the external situation or how we react to it? Surely, you will agree with me it's the latter.
Worry is like a stuck music player that plays the same track again and again. Once you understand that it is simply an energy drain from you, you will just snap out of it. Worry takes you away from the present moment into possibilities that do not even exist. Anyway, what will you achieve by worrying apart from a headache?
Next time you feel worried, try this: Just watch yourself completely and become aware of the worry originating from you. Just see what it is doing to you. You will no longer be a slave to it.
dear GuaranteedSolutions,
vat u say is amazin'... I tried it yesterday.. I was runnin late to office and started to panic... suddenly remembered vat u said. I started to watch the panic and worry.. it's unbelievable.. I felt there is no use of me worrying, let me relax.. the best part was that i infact reached on time..
thanks a lot :) this is juzz wonderful!!
Dear Richard,
What you said brings me to another interesting and relevant point. When you stop to worry, your efficiency of what you are doing automatically increases since you are focussed on the present moment.
That's why when you didn't panic, you boarded the right bus, got off at the right stop, walked at the right pace without stumbling on a stone and reached office on time.
Had you panicked, chances of all the above happening would have been HIGH and chances of you getting late also would have increased.
Life Bliss Program (http://www.lifebliss.org/lbp.asp) dedicates a whole session on this - cleansing of the Manipuraka chakra (energy center related to worries). It's a very powerful program and does wonders if you are open to it.
thanks guaranteedsolutions... i am interested in attending the life bliss program... can you pls tell me who will conduct, how long it is and how i shd register myself.. thanks!
Hi!
I don't agree that worrying is bad. If I don't worry about how to manage things at home and office, then who will take care of them? There is sooo much to do and 24 hours is limited. Some kind of worry is vital to keep us going!
Regards,
Jasmine Tay
Dear Richard: Please contact the nearest Life Bliss Foundation Center and get details about the upcoming LBP (Life Bliss Program). Here are contact details of all centers on the left: http://nithyaevents.blogspot.com/
Dear Jasmine: There is a big difference between chronological planning and psychological worrying. The former is fine and infact a must. Maintain a To-Do list by all means. But after we have prepared that list, let us immerse ourselves in executing the plan rather than evaluating what could go wrong and waste time on that. This is psychological worrying, which stops you from executing the To-Do list!
Nithyanandam
GuaranteedSolutions
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